Solitary Angel
by RavenclawCookie
Summary: Arnold Rimmer has always been known to be a total smeghead, but it turns out there is a reason for his neurotic nature. Rimmer hides a secret - a secret of a lost love that Lister can never or will never discover. {Rimmer/OC}


_**Hey guys!**_

_**Okay, so this is my second Red Dwarf fanfic and I really hope you enjoy this one, I really loved writing it! Please review this story, I always love to hear what you think of my work. **_

_**As always, I do not own anything apart from the storyline and my own character Dani Maddox.**_

_**Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.**_

_**Love,**_

_**RavenclawCookie**_

* * *

Rimmer sat on his bunk; his hazelnut eyes glazed over and misty as he gazed up at the blank canvas of grey above him. Each day, his holographic heart ached with a dull pain that he knew would never truly fade. An agony like no other clawed at his nerves, slicing them like blunt edge of a rusted knife. It tore him to shreds, twisting and warping his mind into an even more unbearable state than it currently was. All of this he felt on a daily basis - the infinitive pain would never cease and he knew it. He had concealed all of his feelings; he had drawn them up inside himself and shielded them from his bunk mate Lister's prying eyes for months upon end. He could never bring himself to confess to the singular person he called his best friend the true agony hidden behind those clipped comments and malicious glares. He had to keep himself going, and the only way to prevent his mind from falling into a bottomless pit of insanity was to replace it with sarcasm and malevolence. The scars ran deep; too deep to heal.

The day of his death was the start of it all.

* * *

Rimmer woke up, fresh from a dream - a particularly stimulating dream about golden hair cascading over soft ivory shoulders and intense powder-blue eyes. He had resisted the urge to break his slumber but eventually, the monster of consciousness had caught up with him. It had seized him into it's clutches and brought him gasping back to the surface. It was early; too early to wake Lister. He rubbed his eyes with hands balled into childish fists. His limbs ached from hours of sleep and his eyelids burned in the gloom of the dreary room.

"Lights." He whispered, his voice husky from under use. The florescent lights of the room flickered and ignited in an instant and he blinked blearily under their beam. He slipped out of bed, his bare feet padding softly upon the frigid floor as he walked to the cupboard, retrieving his pristine uniform from the higher tiers, pushing the door quietly closed with a soft 'click' and retreating to his bunk. He dressed himself briskly and silently, pondering the small insignificant jobs that awaited him and craved to be done over the course of this dull, listless day. Lister stirred above him and he paused in tracks, mid-way through pulling on his immaculately-polished boots that glimmered in the light. After making sure Lister was still sound asleep, he rose from his bunk, admiring his impeccable appearance in the mirror. He patted a few stray chestnut curls back into place within his neat side-parting before donning his yellow jacket and slipping from the room. Breakfast awaited strolled through various floors, absent of the bustling crowds of gormless faces they usually held. He ignored the occasional passing glare from the odd Red Dwarf crew member - all of which he loathed. Finally, he reached the ship's dining quarters, setting himself up in a seat on a solitary table in the centre of the room. He searched for her, but she was not there. He sighed inwardly; he had hoped to see her. He grabbed a tray from the breakfast bar, helping himself to a generous amount of grey sludge they claimed was porridge before resuming his seat in the centre of the room. He slipped his notebook from his shirt pocket and began scribbling an untidy list of petty jobs that needed to be done later that day. Just as the words 'Fix coffee machine' spilled from the nib of his pen, a flash of gold caught his eye.

It was her.

The pen tumbled from his fingers as she passed, his lukewarm sludge growing cold in it's tray as he focused his attention on her and nothing else. She was beautiful. There was no other word to describe her. Her golden hair was a halo of light around her flawless features and her supple powder-blue eyes glimmered in the ship's florescent lights. She was impeccably dressed, unlike Rimmer's bunk mate Lister; she wore a cute woolen beret upon her wavy shoulder-length locks that matched her uniform perfectly and her beige pants were tucked into a pair of polished boots. She was of a small frame and a bubbly smile curved her full lips despite her glum surroundings.

Dani Maddox was the only person on the entire ship who would dare to sit with Rimmer at breakfast. He watched as she ladled a pile of porridge onto her plate, her nose crinkling at the acrid stench it gave off. He shifted in his seat in order to accommodate room for her, patting a few stray curls into place. She strode briskly to Rimmer's bench and placed her tray upon the grimy surface, scooting up beside him and greeting him with a dazzling smile.

"Morning Rimmsy! You're up early..." She said, her voice like sweet music to Rimmer's ears at this time in the morning.

"As are you, Miss Maddox." Rimmer replied with a grin, trying to shield his nerves. He was not experienced with women and never had been. In fact, the only woman he had ever had sex with had been the ship's boxing champion Yvonne McGruder - and that had only been a 12 minute brief liaison that neither were particularly proud of.

"How's Lister? Still asleep I trust?" She said, scooping up a spoonful of porridge and shoveling it bravely into her mouth. She grimaced and swallowed quickly, without hesitation.

Rimmer didn't even bother to touch his food. Dani's presence drew all the hunger from him like a hook through his stomach. "Yes. Still sleeping off the lager from last night." He replied, rolling his mahogany eyes at the memory of Lister stumbling drunkenly to his bunk and collapsing in a heap upon his sheets. Rimmer heaved a sigh before continuing, "He's a total smeghead, you know that? I've got a good mind to report him to Captain Hollister."

Dani giggled softly; a sound that made Rimmer's heart race. "There's no point, Arnold," She said through a mouthful of porridge. "You know Lister would probably end up worming his way out of whatever form of punishment Hollister gave him."

Rimmer nodded sadly. "You're probably right. I wish you were my bunkmate." The words had escaped his lips before he could stop them. "W-well, I mean, life would just be so much easier, y-you know..." He stammered, desperately trying to cover up for himself.

Dani grinned at him, flattening her beret on the crown of her head so that it was perched at the perfect angle upon her golden locks. "I know what you mean..." She replied softly, dropping her spoon onto a half-eaten tray of lumpy sludge, having promptly given up on her battle to consume the liquid. "Life _would _be so much easier with you, Rimmsy." She chuckled, sliding her legs from beneath the table and swinging them over the bench. She grabbed her tray in one swift motion and dumped it efficiently upon the stack beside the kitchens entrance. She swept past Rimmer, her eyes sparkling with unusual enthusiasm for a time so early in the morning; she leaned close to Rimmer for a brief moment, her lips brushing his smooth cheek for a split second before she strode off. "I'll see you later, Arnie!" She called over her shoulder.

Rimmer's fingers drifted to his cheek, their tips gliding along the hot surface of his cheek bone which was now flushed, the blissful feeling of her lips upon his skin lingering there. He almost prayed he would get the chance to converse with her later on today between jobs, but on a spaceship that was 5 miles long, was there really any chance of them stumbling across each others path again?

Still, a man dream.

Just then, the ship's crew members began flooding into the dining room in erratic fragments. Rimmer saw this as his chance to escape those rueful glares from his fellow shipmates who loathed him and his bureaucratic nature. The feeling was mutual. Just as he passed through the entrance (having disposed of his tray and dregs of porridge quickly without hesitation) Lister and his gang composed of Peterson and a couple of others Rimmer had deemed completely and utter idiots, barged past. They looked at him with mocking looks upon their gormless faces, roaring with thunderous laughter before shoving their way to a table. Rimmer snarled under his breath and made a swift exit. He had jobs to complete and tasks to be getting on with. Time was of the essence.

Rimmer finished untangling the last of the coffee machine's wires, securing a lengthy ribbon of super-strength tape around the bunch before re-attaching the machine's metal casing. Lister had failed to show up to his jobs all day, leaving Rimmer to complete his errands alone. Rimmer was confident Captain Hollister wouldn't mind hearing about this; it was about time Lister earned an appropriate punishment for his slobbish behaviour aboard ship. But, on the plus side, his bunkmate's absence did allow him to slip deep into the depths of his imagination (one of the only beneficial factors of having so much time on his hands, being the ship's second technician and of such a low rank), losing himself in his wildest fantasies that usually involved the ship's resident bookworm and canteen cleaner: Dani Maddox.

Rimmer strived to cling to the last shreds of his own sanity aboard this godforsaken vessel. What with his torturous family history and rather non-existent sex life combined with having to put up with Lister's grotesque living habits, he felt as if his mind was slipping from his clutches. With no friends upon this ship to turn to for comfort, he often felt truly alone - a solitary angel subjected to a life of being shunned among society for his abnormal behavior. Dani was the only person who had approached him without a mocking smirk upon her lips or a gleam of smug malevolence in her eye. But he never saw her enough. Apart from their brief meetings at the crack of Dawn in the ship's dining quarters, her presence often evaded him.

As he began drilling the screws into the metallic shield of the coffee machine's protective concealment, one of the most common fantasies that sprang to mind when he was surrounded by nothing but the stale resentment of his own company entered Rimmer's mind at that moment:

His fingers weaved in between the curves and creases of her own, their tips tracing her palm sweetly, gently. Lister wouldn't be in for hours. He was too busy gallivanting off with Peterson and his buddies. He cupped Dani's face in his hand, tilting her chin upwards so that her eyes met him for a split-second before flitting away in embarrassment. But with immense power fueled by a desperate need for her touch, he held her gaze with burning passion. The icy blue engaged with the hazelnut brown in a battle of blood-boiling longing for one another. He loved her and she him; their love was unstoppable, undeniable and irreplaceable. Neither of them could bear it for much longer. The passion rising within the two was almost at the brink of becoming unbearable and before long, Rimmer felt her lips crash down upon his, her arms flinging themselves around his neck of their own accord and locking round his broad frame in a vice-like grip. He crushed his thin lips to hers with mixed emotions - a fiery concoction of relief, euphoria and satisfaction roared within him like a triumphant beast whose thirst had finally been quenched. Her hands were in his hair, her fingers winding themselves round those soft mahogany curls as if they belonged there. In the gloom of the second technician's bed chamber, his hands snaked up her back as their tongues dipped in and out of each others mouths, exploring each other for the first time. He felt her quiver softly under his touch, she was trembling, shaking, shuddering with excitement and anticipation. She needed him, wanted him, craved his touch and he knew it. He felt the same way. For the first time in his life, he truly felt loved.

"Rimmer," Her breathless voice whispered as she broke herself free from the enticing taste of his mouth. "I-"

"Oi, smeghead!"

Rimmer blanched violently, crashing back to earth in an instant. The military grey walls solidified around him once more and his mind was yanked back to reality's disappointingly dull surroundings, the blissful taste of Dani's imaginary kiss still tingling upon his lips. He whirled round on his heel, almost tripping over a passing skutter in his haste. He was greeted with the sight of a particularly buoyant looking Lister, a smug grin upon his boyish face. His dark dreadlocks swung like pendulums behind his back as he strode over to Rimmer, who had now recovered from his sweet reverie and had placed his hands on his hips indignantly; Lister knew what this meant...

"I'm reporting you Lister!" Rimmer cried, his lips pursed with fury. "You failed to show up for two jobs today that we were meant to complete TOGETHER. I'm sorry, but you leave me no option," With that he whipped his notebook and pen from his pocket like a gun from a cowboy's belt. "I'm reporting you to Captain Hollister." A satisfied smirk appeared on his lips, the grooves of his cheekbones becoming more apparent as his smile widened.

"Ooh, I'm so scared!" Lister wailed in false terror. His mask of horror drained from his face as quickly as it had come and donned instead a rather relaxed look. "Give it up, man, yeh've reported me six times this week and they've lead to nothin' but you gettin' punished for wastin' Hollister's time." He said, striding over to the coffee machine.

"Cappuccino." He ordered, expecting the usual bland cup of mildly-heated brown tap water the machine usually offered him. With a click, the cup was waiting in the tray at the bottom of the dispenser and Lister snatched it up bravely, taking a hearty swig and tried his best not to grimace.

"Very well," Rimmer said, a sigh in his voice that bore the essence of defeat. "But if it happens again tomorrow, I'll have no choice but to report you. I'm sure Captain Hollister can't refuse your punishment this time." He stowed his pad and pen in his pocket safely and carefully, knowing they would need to be used again in the near future.

"I'm goin' back to our room to change. See yeh in a bit, man." Lister said, breaking into a sprint and charging down the corridor, without so much as a single glance behind him.

Rimmer continued to work, slaving away at the vending machines that claimed to need fixing, although he didn't really see the difference between a machine that was broken and one that was repaired; they both emitted the same standard of food.

He snatched his pad from his pocket and flipped through the pages of jobs he bad previously completed, his chest swelling with pride at his own motivation, until he found today's list. Next up was fixing the ship's drive plate in order to secure maximum protection against the possible outcome of a radiation leak. He stuffed his pad back into his pocket with haste, eager to complete such an important task that would benefit the ship so greatly. Perhaps Hollister would even move him to a higher rank if he did a particularly fantastic job? He strolled down corridor after corridor, a spring in his step at the thought of Captain Hollister presenting him with a well-deserved promotion after all these years of serving in the Space Corps. He couldn't refuse him the offer!

He almost skipped down the corridor, an array of people snickering at him as they passed, but he would surely have the last laugh. He was so caught up in his own elation, however, when he almost collided with someone. "Smeg!" He cried, his feet skidding across the metal floorboards and swiping the rather solid figure's own feet from under them. You've done it now, Arnie, he told himself dismally as he fell to the floor with a thunderous 'crack', the figure's weight piling on top of him and seizing the wind from his stomach. He heard a strangled cry from the heap atop him as he struggled to get up. His eyes fell upon the wild mane of golden hair and the khaki beret that was now perched askew upon it. He let out a internal groan of horror as he realised the identity of the person he had hauled to the ground in his haste to impress the ship's captain...

It was Dani.

She raised her head from his chest, her hair a tangled mess across her face. Luckily, no one had witnessed the accident; the corridor was deserted. Rimmer tried his best to resume the usual cycle of respiration, his lungs clawing for the breath they had been robbed of upon the pair's collapse. Her powder-blue eyes widened as they met his own startled pupils. She rolled off him in a flash, her cheeks flaring scarlet at the pair's clumsy encounter. She held out a hand for him to take; he wrapped his fingers around hers, too stung to refuse. Dani piled all of her strength into pulling Rimmer from the ground, her cheeks still stained with that crimson hue of embarrassment. He rose to his feet with her considerate help. Rimmer was much taller than her and she looked up at him, an apologetic look on her youthful features.

"I'm so sorry Rimmer, I didn't even see you!" She cried, exploring for his forgiveness.

Rimmer donned the most charming smile he could muster, still dazed from the accident. "That's quite alright, Miss Maddox." He replied, bobbing unsteadily on the balls of his feet, his hands pressed behind his back. "I didn't expect to see you at all today - and the accident was as much my fault as it was yours." He said, his nostrils flaring with the effort to keep calm around her. The sensual fantasy starring the two of them he had endured whilst fixing the coffee machine slid into his mind at that moment and he grimaced, trying his very best to keep his cheeks from flooding scarlet.

"Neither did I, Mr Rimmer." Dani said, a slight giggle in her tentative tone. She fixed her trademark beret upon her sunshine yellow locks and smile up at him. "But I have nothing to do and I quite fancied visiting my old pal."

"You're old pal?" Rimmer repeated, pondering his thoughts aloud. His brow furrowed; a small divot of confusion appeared just above the bridge of his nose. "Who's that?"

"You, you Gimboid." She chuckled, rolling her eyes.

Rimmer's lips stretched into a smile he could not prevent. His hands brushed against the breast pocket of his jacket as he crossed his arms across his chest; he felt the misshapen bulge of his notepad and his heart did an odd jolt of panic. "Oh, smeg!" He exclaimed, his chocolate-brown eyes wide.

"What is it?" Dani said, her smile vanishing at the anxious expression on the second technician's face.

"I have a job to do…" Rimmer began, huffing a sad sigh of exasperation. _Just when I get some free smegging time with her I have to go and do a job_, he thought to himself.

Dani's face fell even further, her lips drooping so that they almost formed a frown. "Oh…well, tell me when you're done. I'll meet you…" She trailed off, expecting some indication from Rimmer as to when they could possibly meet up.

"At the coffee machine, just down there?" He pointed wildly in the direction he came from.

Her smile returned more vividly with each word he spoke. "Great, I'll see you then." With that, she strode past him and down the corridor, her footsteps echoing off the metallic flooring.

Rimmer smirked to himself, euphoria rising in his chest as he strolled down the corridor. He found himself unable to rid the triumphant smile from his face. Finally, he reached the quarter in which the ship's drive plate was located, still grinning stupidly. He made a meal of securing the drive plate, barely breaking a sweat as he re-attached the screws holding it in place. He clapped his hands together proudly and swept from the room without so much as a glance behind him at his exceedingly good work.

He sprinted down the corridor eagerly, fixing his collar and patting his hair, making himself look presentable for Dani. He would be mortified if he turned up looking like a total smeghead. Passers by glowered at him as he whizzed past, wondering why he was in such a hurry; little did they know it was the least-likely possibility that was the truth in this case. Before he reached the coffee machine (beside which his maiden would surely be waiting for her knight in shining armour to whisk her away), a shrieking sound split the air around him, shattering his ear drums and causing his feet to grind to a halt. He stumbled, almost falling in his haste. He whirled round, his chest rising and falling heavily in startled panic. The corridor flooded with a flashing scarlet light and the blood-curdling scream of the emergency alarm tore through the ship, echoing off the walls.

"HOLLY!" Rimmer yelped over the endless din. "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

The ship's senile computer, Holly, appeared on the nearest monitor in a flash.

"Looks like there's been a radiation leak, Arn. According to my calculations, some plonker forgot to seal the drive plate properly. It's gonna wipe you all out." He said, his voice a dull drone barely audible over the shrieking alarms.

Rimmer's heart plummeted in his chest. Every muscle in his body weakened and his knees threatened to buckle. No, this couldn't be right…he had secured that drive plate perfectly well, there was no way any radiation could seep through…

He had to tell Captain Hollister.

He weaved in and out of people, ignoring their anguished cries of fear, desperate to reach Captain Hollister. The weight of the accident fell upon his shoulders. He knew it was his fault; he was the reason behind the ominous prospect of the death of the entire crew. He had never felt quite so low in his life…

"Rimmer!"

Someone was screaming his name, their voice almost threatening to break from the frantic panic in their painful shrieks. It was a woman. Rimmer spun round, his brown eyes wild and watchful, searching for the source of his name…

Then he saw her, battling amongst the crowd, shoving people aside in order to reach him. Her beret was clinging to the crown of her head and her icy eyes were fragmented with fear.

"Dani!" Rimmer yelled, rushing to her, momentarily forgetting his original intention to inform the ship's Captain of the accident's true fault. They both stopped directly in front of each other, their noses almost brushing tips they were so very close…

"What's going on?!" She cried, her eyes boring into his, searching for a reason behind the chaos that had rocked the ship.

"The drive plate broke. It's let Radiation into the ship." He shouted over the non-stop noise. Screaming, wailing, the siren's constant shrieking…

He just couldn't bring himself to tell her it was his fault.

"Oh my God…" She whispered. Her voice was not audible over the din, but he read her lips and felt his heart shatter with her own. "We're going to die…"

"I have to tell Hollister!" Rimmer explained, his voice rising with each word. The effort was too much.

DanI nodded frantically and Rimmer looked at her for a moment. He ran a hand through his neat curls before starting past her, but before he could make it round the corner, her fingers had closed around his wrist, pulling him back to face her. The expression on his face was one laced with confusion as he looked upon her. She had a hard blazing look in her face as she crushed her lips to his. It was unexpected and sent Rimmer's mind reeling from shock, awe, wonder…

For a moment, he became lost in the sweetness of her kiss. The noise blaring around him became distant and all he could focus on was her lips on his. Her hands were in his hair, resting upon his cheek and for a moment he almost felt as if he was back in his fantasy. But then, her lips were slipping away and he was yanked back to reality in one painful instant.

Rimmer looked down at Dani and he opened his mouth to speak. "Dani, I-" He began, feeling the urge to confess his feelings for her. Was there any better a time to do so than just before their death?

But she cut across him, shaking her head. "Go." She said, her voice hard. But as Rimmer looked into her eyes, he saw they were full of pain. "GO!" She yelled and he broke into a sprint, not daring to look back in fear of suffering a broken heart.

What did it matter? His heart was already broken.

He had reached Hollister. He had tried his very best to explain. He had implored the ship's captain for forgiveness…

But Hollister was taking none of his excessive rambling. The radiation had finally caught up with them. Was Lister dead yet? Was Dani? Had the radiation already consumed them? Rimmer felt the searing particles close around his body in a flash of light, gnawing at his flesh. His life flashed before his mahogany eyes and he crumbled to the ground, uttering his final words as the wave of radiation feasted upon him…

"Gazpacho soup!"

Then the tidal wave of radiation reduced him to dust.

* * *

Arnold Rimmer sat in his bunk, gazing up at the grey canvas of Lister's bed. His bunkmate's snores sounded to him through the gloom of their quarters, soothing him and yet not allowing him to fall into a slumber. He sighed inwardly. Dave would never know the true pain he felt day after day aboard this ship. Everywhere he went he was reminded of his lost love. Lister could never know of the pain that lay like a roaring best behind the fragile windows of his eyes. Rimmer would just have to live with the memory of the first girl that had ever loved him and the first girl he had ever loved in return…


End file.
